It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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