so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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