You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
