new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
