New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
