New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
