I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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