Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
