Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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