I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
