batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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