dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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