my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
