And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
wow bdsm is so cute
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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