never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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