you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
