I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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