I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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