obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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