Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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