Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
