also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
