Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
