Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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