I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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