he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
