I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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