What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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