Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
