No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
