there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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