so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
