I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
