i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
