I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you didnt know i had herpes?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
