Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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