I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize