I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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