My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
