I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
