Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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