My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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