I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
