I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mom said you looked used
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
