i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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