At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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