the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
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The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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