stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
