we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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