The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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