I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
