I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
