I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
