it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
