omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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