did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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