I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
