Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
