Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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