I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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