I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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