I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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