If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize