she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
