I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
