i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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