Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
