She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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