My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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