Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
