She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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