When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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